Being forced to cut all my hair made me feel strangely liberated
The key to my heart is…
And he had written under the Hinge profile prompt: “The voice of Tems”.
“And my voice? I answered it, and when he told me he didn’t know what it was like, I sent him a voice note saying, “Like a northerner who lost his accent” pressing my voice to the bottom of my throat so that it sounds more raspy than my natural.
“Did you think you were going to sing for me?” He asked.
“I only do that in the shower and unfortunately I’m not right now.”
“What are you singing in the shower?” »
“Right now…”About You Now” by the Sugababes.”
“Excuse me? Sugababs…”
“Is this basic?” I asked to make sure he knew I was aware of the common conception of the song. He didn’t answer so I tried something else. “I normally listen to SZA in the shower,” I wrote, as if she was an underground artist I would have liked to hear about. It worked and we continued to chat until I said yes when he asked me out on a date.
For days I fantasized about what I would wear. Maybe a simple but flattering black tank dress and would go well with knee high boots, although those might look like I’ve tried too hard, and I know men prefer when you look effortlessly. I wondered what it would be like to sit across from him, to feel his gaze on me. Would he find me touching my hair boring? What would he like to talk about? Which way would he want the soft marrow of my bones to bend? I decided I wouldn’t wear the boots, then slowed down the gaps between my answers to look busy and busy with other things. I fell asleep thinking about my appointment the next day to have my hair extensions redone and if it would be a waste of money to install new longer hair instead of the hair I already have.
“I don’t mean to scare you, but it’s like really tangled. It’s solidified at the root and I’m not saying it’s because you haven’t washed, but I think the problem is that you haven’t washed the shampoo well, so it’s kind of hardened, which means that when I take them out, you’re going to lose a lot of your hair.
When the hairdresser told me all this, I didn’t feel much, I just thought about how the last time I was in a hair salon, I cried because the toner that they had used was too ashy. And yet, there I was, being told I was losing my hair, absently scratching at my turquoise nail polish like it was no big deal. I guess sometimes things are so bad and so unexpected that it takes your body a while to figure out what’s happening to it.